Where’s Your “Happy Place”?

I hope you have enjoyed getting to know my brother, a little bit, through his letters that I have shared up to this point. The letter today is Chris’ last one to me before he graduated from Basic Training. Although he continued to send postcards and cards, most of our correspondence transitioned to email as a result of the introduction of computers and technology. I look forward to your joining me on this continued journey back in time.

Just wrote yesterday, but had a little time on my hands. Also, I found this Brochure in our Division. If Mom & Dad haven’t sent you these papers, I asked: here is an outline of Hotels & Prices that surround Great Lakes. The schedule will be that on Thurs, 30th of Jan we have a Mom & Pop night where we can have visitors for a few hours. Then the next morning you will come back & we will Pass-in-Review around 9:00 am, I think! Mom & Dad should have the info, or you could call & ask here, even though I have no idea what the phone # is. (I’m tired, probably making no sense). 

It is now starting to warm up, so we’re able to move around now! Since some of the mail is held up for a while before we receive it, stop corresponding the day before you come up! Because after we Pass-in-Review, we still have to stay here until the 4th of Feb for further instruction! I should find out when I leave for school (& if I get leave) in the next couple of days! 

A friend that I surf w/ sent me a little baggie w/ sand and little seashells in it! My instructors let me keep it! I carry it everywhere in my front pocket to stay reminded of my “Happy place”. Ma sent another letter today! You & her have been pretty even on letters written. Thanks!

I’m really looking forward to going to Virginia to start school! This same scene is getting old (has gotten) fast. How was [your] ski trip? Well, they’re taking up mail now so I’ll close. 

Take care. 
Love,
Chris Campbell

On the back of his “Popeye” picture, you can read that Chris was considering serving our country in the Navy for “at least 4 years”. He reenlisted after that time, and in the early part of 2000, he was at another decision point. He emailed me that he was considering getting out of the Navy and becoming a Firefighter. Again, he made the choice to stay in the Navy. I have come to the realization, with the passing of time, that people are complicated. What makes sense today may not hold true tomorrow, and that can be contingent upon circumstances as well as learning additional information. Navigating life can be challenging! Maintaining the mindset that we are individually responsible for managing and maneuvering through the various scenarios presented to us isn’t always pleasant and can actually be quite painful. 

At the end of 2010, life was pretty great for me. There had been difficulties in the past, but my approach had always been to get a good nights sleep and clarity would come in the morning. A new day can often provide a clearer perspective. Little did I know that period of time was coming to an end. Even if I had been provided the rhetorical crystal ball, there was nothing I could have done to avoid what was to come. One of the life-altering events that occurred was that after almost 15 years of service to our country, my beloved “baby” brother was killed on August 6th, 2011. I love my brother, but I have not put him on a pedestal. He was not a saint, nor have I met any human who has achieved that status. Although he was in the military and had been sent on many deployments, as ridiculous as this may sound, I never considered that Chris might not come home. 

Memorial Day became very personal to me after my brother died. Although I was born into a military family, as an adult, I often found myself confusing Memorial Day and Veteran’s Day. Attending my brother’s memorial service in our hometown and later his funeral at Arlington National Cemetery, walking almost a mile while following a flag draped coffin, sitting under a tent behind 13 caskets, all draped with American Flags, and then watching my parents receive a folded American Flag was the heartbreaking experience that has led me to not just know but fully comprehend the significance of Memorial Day. Even though it is difficult for me to hear “Happy Memorial Day”, I reflect on my original outlook for this national day of remembrance. How can I judge another when my approach was one of apathy prior to Chris’ death? Have I caused unintended pain to another survivor who has suffered a different kind of loss?  

It was the realization that I am far from perfect that influenced my response on a walk yesterday. If I had been contentious or confrontational, I would have missed an opportunity to learn another’s story of loss. “Seek first to understand” is a quote that resonates greatly with me, and it’s not always easy for me to do. If I can coach myself through to practice this, it comes with the realization that finding common ground can lead to connection which can facilitate compassion. After all, if you are old enough to read this, it’s probable you have suffered loss in your life. Suffering is inevitable, and for those who have experienced the death of one they love, you never “get over it”. It’s heartbreak with which you learn to live. For me, learning to live my life while honoring my brother’s has posed challenges, and I believe Chris had the foresight to understand this.

I’m a practical person and realize the importance of planning. For the military, this includes estate planning. Most, if not all, military service members have a will. This requires one to consider the real possibility of death. No, it doesn’t mean there is a desire to die. It’s an analytical exercise in reality. For those who really knew my brother, they were aware he was a pensive person. I remember sitting at his kitchen table talking about his wishes a couple years prior to his death. After Chris died, I learned he changed his directive. It was a surprise, but when I realized the magnitude of the change, I was so proud of him. He was providing a lifeline – an anchor – to stay grounded during the most difficult period of my life.

The logo of Wounded Warrior Project is one service member carrying another. This has become a living logo to me! Through Chris’ last request, I see this as him carrying us through our grief journey. My mom has said, “when you are hurting, help others”. After many war deployments, Chris changed. How could he not? His last request also serves as a reminder to his fellow comrades, in all branches of the service, they are not alone. I see this call to action as my brother offering encouragement to Veterans to reach out to Wounded Warrior Project. Finally, for those of us in the civilian community, my brother is providing an opportunity to not only realize the human cost of the decision to send sons, daughters, moms, dads, brothers, sisters, friends and spouses to war but also extend the chance to participate in his legacy of helping others. 

Thank you for considering being one of the 100,000 donors to Wounded Warrior Project in my brother’s memory!